I don’t like sleeping; it’s a waste of time, if you ask me. Yeah, I’ve heard about the beauty sleep. But, life is really short, and every moment counts. This is probably why I’m suffering from chronic sleep deprivation and I occasionally doze off in most unlikely places. The other day, I fell asleep at the hair-dresser’s. With my head leaned back into the washing basin, I had a nap with the hair mask on. Half-asleep, I overheard another customer speak to someone.
“…And so, as I was walking down the street, I saw her husband from afar. He was with another woman. I pretended I didn’t see them, I even crossed the street. It was so embarrassing and I had no idea how to deal with that. Should I tell her? Should I keep it to myself? Was I even sure about what I saw? Oh, come on, it was so obvious… What would you have done?”
I opened my eyes. What would I have done?
Or better yet, what did I do? I kept my mouth shut. Who am I to cause people to split up, to determine their fates? I was a coward.
Conventional wisdom has it that people always know what’s going on; they just don’t have the guts to face it. What we don’t know has never happened.
Do you know that many people believe that the real gentleman is the guy who would never allow anyone to find out about his affairs? Lovely.
There are women who can take anything you say to them, and there are others.
And then what? Say you tell them what you know. You pluck up the courage and spill the beans. And they listen. They check. They confront their husbands or boyfriends. They find out. They end the relationship or get a divorce. Like a friend once told me, “I’m not going to be the one to break up a family”.
But, she forgot that she wouldn’t really be the one to break up anything. The real breaker is the one who lies and cheats. Now, if you ask him, he would probably stick to the ingenious rule: “what you don’t know has never actually happened”. A vicious circle.
Some women prefer to be told the truth because they don’t hold back in a relationship. In return, they expect honesty and loyalty.
Others would say: “He didn’t want it to happen, it just did. It may happen to anyone… He loves me…” Such women would rather lie to themselves out of cowardice, because it’s convenient, because they fear change.
It often crosses my mind that us women are not very smart. We hang on to petty stuff, such as text messages on our cell phones, comments on FB or Instagram. There, he liked my photo and added two hearts and a smiley. An unmistakable sign of love, right? We are prepared to accept any excuse, any pathetic attempt to deny what’s obvious. What we should do instead is to remember that we should judge men by what they do rather than by what they say. Instead, we fall for cheap tricks and then, like Alice in Wonderland, we ask ourselves: where did that imaginary guy go?
I decided not to say anything several times.
Because my friends might believe me and then start to hate me.
Would the cheated wives ever do anything for themselves? Would they ever try to change their lives somehow? No.
They would remain exactly where they are and start to avoid me.
Because I witnessed it – not the affair; it’s not the worst thing that can happen.
I witnessed their inability to rise above their fears and weaknesses, to pursue a fulfilled life.
I kept my mouth shut. Was it a wrong thing to do? Perhaps.
I may have helped change their lives for the better.
But, women are cowards, we don’t handle reality too well. That goes for me too.
I was deeply immersed in thoughts when I heard someone speak to me.
It was my hairstylist. “How shall we style your hair today? Real nice, as usual?”