If you’re not on social networks, you don’t actually exist at all

By August 16, 2018Uncategorized
social networks

I’m not a professional photographer, but I love to take pictures. It’s a hobby of mine. I have fairly good equipment; I’ve even managed to sell a photo on Shutterstock for as much as 25 cents, but it gave me hope that, if I persist, my hobby might earn me a nice sum of money one day.

That’s right! I’m an optimist. There’s no other way to qualify the hope firmly based on the income of 25 cents!

Meanwhile, the word got out that I can operate a camera and in fact love doing it, so from time to time I get requests from my friends to take some pictures of them when they need good photos.

What does it actually mean „to need“? To us, women, everything is a „need“, even the self-promotion on social networks. But, that’s fine, you have to keep pace. If you’re not on Instagram or FB, you don’t really exist.

A friend and I decided to take a few photos of ourselves because you never know when the need might arise. Being prepared is important, and this goes for good photos, too.

And so, if you saw two females sneaking around a trendy residential block downtown the other day and they acted as if they were changing their clothes in public, yes, it was the two of us.

Where shall we do it? Let’s try the new block, the one that looks urban and has some good cafes… The trouble is it’s probably full of people now; we won’t go unnoticed. Never mind, it’s such a cool space, you’ll see…

You don’t like it? Ok, moving on, we can pose further down the road. I used to live there. I hope I won’t bump into anyone I know. My in-laws live there now. Seeing us here will be quite a shock, but what can you do? Where are my children? Wait, let me think… Don’t freak me out, the boy is with my mom and dad in the country. And the girl’s still in the kindergarten, and surprise, surprise… still healthy. Yay!…

We spotted a nice looking cafe. It was closed so we could sit on the terrace undisturbed, pretending to be busy doing something smart and important. The truth is we would’ve loved some coffee, not to mention that photos with coffee mugs are so totally cool, but it wasn’t gonna happen.

Then we moved to a playground nearby. Thankfully, it was completely empty.

Got an idea, I’m gonna sit on the swing! Look here. Oh, darn, I can’t fit into it. Why do they make them so small? No, I haven’t gained weight, it’s just that these swing designers are idiots… There, got it! Take a snap, quickly, before someone appears… Let me see… No way, delete it… Help me out of this thing. Where did you get the idea of taking picture of me on a swing?…

And then, right behind the swing, we saw a perfect spot. A concrete wall. No, she wasn’t supposed to sit on the wall. She actually sat on the (also concrete) ground, and I took a shot from above. Leather jacket, high heels, a boho dress…. Seen it all before? Maybe, but it turned out really well, I even dare say – great!

Wait, give me a minute to sit properly… What do you think? You can see my underpants? Ok, wait, I’ll pull the dress. How d’you like my shoes? They’ll look fantastic in the pic! Are they comfortable? Well, sort of… But they’re great for posing, there’s no other pair like this… I’ll pretend to write a text on my mobile… Yikes, there’re so many cigarette butts here… I’ll just push them away. Ok, hurry, some children are coming this way. Why now and here? Right, they’re no vacation and we’re on their territory, but they could wait a bit…  

You know what, let’s move on. There’s a nice little  field over there, in a shade. See those trees? Let’s go. Let me change first. Oh come on, nobody’s looking. I’ll do Houdini or Copperfield. See? First I put my arm here, and then I slowly take off… Oh shoot, you can see my bra! Don’t take a snap now or you’ll get killed. Make sure you delete these. Let me check them out first… Gosh, my boobs are the size of a small continent…

In the field, under a tree:

Look at this blouse; isn’t it lovely? Ok, now, take a shot… Where do you want me to stand? Aha, ok. What about my arms? Make sure this print on my sleeve is in the photo. Don’t be a j..k, it isn’t for my modelling portfolio, but this detail on the sleeve is so cool! If nobody sees it, why did I bother buying the blouse in the first place?… Give it here… hmm, not bad, not bad at all….You are talented after all. Do you want to pose now? Let’s give it a shot… Look at her, you actually know how to pose. These pictures look so good… Ok, fine, enough, back to me, hold the camera… Let’s go over there now! See those two benches? The site is totally cool, plus completely vacant. (A workday, noon, 35 degrees, of course it’s vacant). I’m gonna put on these boots… No, I won’t be hot, don’t be silly. And this dress, and done! … How are my legs? I’ll just walk and you try capturing my elegant movements… What do you mean it’s senseless? Does everything have to make sense? Come on, cheer up and look alive, let’s make some good photos….

Anyway, like I said, if you saw two crazy women looking suspicious and posing in the heat around noon, when the light is anything but right, it was probably the two of us.

I hope you weren’t shocked and you had fun. It’s important to keep up with the world because if you’re not on social networks, you don’t actually exist at all.

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